You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
where does the pee come out of this thing
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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