So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
