The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
