I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
