Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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