i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
