There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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