Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
