i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
