I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
