dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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