that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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