Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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