i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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