this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Houston, we have a blender
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
