is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
