1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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