i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
