Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
