remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
