Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
