just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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