It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
