Where did you get a picture of my penis
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
