just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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