Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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