Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
