Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
