kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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