I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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