Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
