I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
