Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
