if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
