They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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