oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
