That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
porn star boner night. come get it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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