Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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