He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize