What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
