Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
