if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
