I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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