just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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