I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
