He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
