I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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