Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
