I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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