god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
