you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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