Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
