I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
