Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So here I am, sexting at work.
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