the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
