we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
