I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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