Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so let's talk penis.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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