She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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