Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
