Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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