Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
her facebook's as public as her vagina
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
