Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
