Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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