hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She just used a chaser for red wine.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
