I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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