five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize