She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
